im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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