I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
