U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
