people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
So many bounce houses so little time
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Randomize
