its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
