My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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