I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
