I feel great
I just peed on a car
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
