She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
