Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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