just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
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