erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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