is your mom at the bar?
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
