The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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