i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
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