she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
