i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
