I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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