I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
handjob tips. give me some.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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