Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
