belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
