Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
