Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
