Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
