My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
