im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
