Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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