I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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