just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
