I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
