Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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