you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
