Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
