Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
