I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Is Oprah even human
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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