Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
