In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
What happened to fro yo and sex?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
