we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Randomize
