Plan B is the new Plan A
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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