Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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