so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
We are two peas in an std pod
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize