you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
