Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize