my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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