First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
