Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
