the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize