I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
