If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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