Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize