If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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