recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
