I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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