You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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