pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Randomize
