All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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