i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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