I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
