How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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