could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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