winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
