hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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