Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Randomize
