Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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