Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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