All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
he shaved USA in his pubs
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
