I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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