so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize