Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
