Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize